张国荣 - 我

there is a certain lure of things that remind you of your roots.

on days where even my favourite songs don't satisfy, i read the lyrics of the language instinctive to me but don't think in terms of. there are the song lyrics you understand, the ones you believe in, and the ones you hope to believe in but can't.

-

I am what I am　
我是　我多麼特別的我

多慶幸　大地有不只一種足印
神造世人　種種色色都有他公允
我很慶幸　站在我屋頂快樂做人
拿著我心　告訴世界何謂勇敢
...

＊我是什麼　在十個當中只得一個
葡萄園裡　響起水仙子的讚歌
我是什麼　是萬世沙礫當中一顆
石頭大這麼多　我也會喜歡這個我

我很慶幸　萬物眾生中磊落做人
懷著誠懇　告訴世界何謂勇敢

＊我是什麼　在十個當中只得一個
葡萄園裡　響起水仙子的讚歌
我是什麼　是萬世沙礫當中一顆
石頭大這麼多　感激天生這個我

at this point i should write some absurdist piece and wrap it in a strange piece of music, if i'm able to write one that defies the conventional flow of chords.

Tokyo Kosei - Nuovo Cinema Paradiso

collected parcel and left it somewhere. discounted moleskines my friends and i bought online. was lost in thoughts and unaware of surroundings as usual. what is wrong with me.

today i woke up and felt like if things continue, i will be capable of writing an absurdist piece.

when in doubt turn to music

trapped

On the train

I feel none of it

stop trying to show people who you are.
gets on the nerves.

i can't see beyond the present.

home

In the dead of night - flakes of monochrome with the exception of reflective surfaces bringing to life the colour of lights.

This is what i return to time and time again, the only thing that untangles my mind. 

All my headache-stricken self could manage last night was a photo even though my fingers were itching so badly to play on it; so i sat myself down this afternoon till 11 to practice the technicalities - scales and some pieces i haven't touched since forever.

Feel like this is the discipline i've lacked all these years. The only option is to get better. 

holidays will be dedicated to

1) the technicalities of music-making
2) reading up on more philosophy.
3) creating two art pieces (just to scrape some rust off)

"It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.” 

~ Edgar Allan Poe

accumulation

survival is not possible, not even conceivable in the slightest sense.

you know i try so hard to find a reason to want something desperately, but i really can't. and maybe it's unfair. and on nights like this it makes me feel like..like.. i'm so confused i don't even know what, and there is no time for other thoughts. work is an excuse for everything else. now, work.

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve". - Tolkien

“a person who had ceased to grow was called a character, while one continuing to develop.. was called characterless, in a derogatory sense.. because he was so hard to catch, classify and keep track of" 

August Strindberg

"Write as precisely and as lucidly and as richly as you can about what you find truly mysterious and irreducible about human experience, and not obscurely about what will prove to be received opinion or cliché once the reader figures out your stylistic conceit. There's all the difference in the world between mystery and mystification." - Paul Harding

(stolen from kel)

Four more days to growth :)